February 23, 2012

Open letter to Franklin Graham

Dear Mr. Graham,

You need to fire your staff, and need to do so immediately.  If your staff didn't immediately confront you when you left the Morning Joe set--you remember, after you again suggested that Obama was Muslim--and tell you, "sir, with all due respect, that was both stupid and immoral," then you need to fire them.  All.

I say that knowing that no single staffer is in danger after your words.  Because you have done this before.  And you need to stop.  But I am as sure that you won't.  You are not what your father was.  No, you are a political hack, and a stupid one at that.

Make no mistake.  I never thought your father was an intellectual.  I found his theology simplistic and superficial.  But he understood a few things that he clearly didn't pass on to you.  He understood that politically, it was unwise to divide his target audience into political camps--not if he wanted to be able to speak to both.  And at a moral level, I think he understood that whatever Christianity represents, it is supposed to be a welcoming faith.  Your father learned those lessons the hard way after he revealed a conversation with President Truman, though he didn't actually learn his lesson until he learned of Watergate and Nixon's true character.

You could know this, of course.  Not only are you your father's chosen successor, but his biography is well known.  In fact, your father said last year that he wished he had stayed out of politics.  Perhaps you don't read.  I don't know.  Perhaps you are just unintelligent.  That seems more likely.

I do know that while your father is hardly an intellectual giant, next to you he looks smarter every day.  I am sorry.  I don't mean to insult, but you revealed your stupidity when you dabbled with the "birther" controversy.  Only idiots think the President wasn't born in Hawaii.  You embarassed every person of faith that day, and have done little to remedy the situation.  Because you aren't just dumb, you are also a bigoted political hack.  When you said that you were more confident of Santorum's Christianity because of his "values," you revealed that your Conservative leanings are much stronger than anything approaching Christianity.  

You really need to shut up.  Seriously.  Read that damn Bible from which you claim to preach.  Check what it says about lying about others.  See what it says about how to treat your adversaries.

Read some books.  Hell, read some books about your father.  But shut the hell up.  For your own good.  Please.

Thank you,



Gary said...

I don't know if obama is muslim, but I do know that obama is NOT a Christian. Streak, you are not a Christian either. You both love sin and promote evil.

Streak said...

Whatever, dude. And the question for you still remains. Why are you still reading such and evil blog, and why do you interact with a person who writes an evil blog?

Smitty said...

You both love sin and promote evil.

Act 1, Scene 1
Streak Household
6:30 a.m., breakfast

S.O.F.: What's for breakfast this morning, dear?
Streak: Aborted fetuses.
Both: [maniacal laughter]
Streak: No, seriously, just some Cap'N Crunch. I like it because the character reminds me of Admiral Nelson, who loved sin and cheated on his wife with a hot Italian mistress. That's like a three-fer - sin in general, adultery, unprotected fornication with a married "exotic" woman of questionable genetics...
S.O.F.: Well in that case, pass the Cap'N right on over!
Both: Woo hoo! Sin for breakfast!

Seriously, Gary. I can't imagine what you folks in the knuckle-dragger squad think goes on in normal households every day, but the notion that there are people who wake up in the morning just a-rearin' for some sinnin' is so mockable that I considered, just to reinforce your sentiment as a joke, actually just cutting-and-pasting your comment as my own.

Streak said...

hah. Well, to be fair, the first line was "burned american flags--its what's for breakfast!"

leighton said...

And the LORD said unto Gary:

"Go forth into all the world, and preach the good news to every creature. Specifically, the gospel that they love sin and promote evil, and are not My followers. They will make mock and revile you, and later I will roast them forever in the fires of Hell for their insolence. That'll be wicked awesome, bro."

Gary replied unto the LORD:

"O LORD, did you just call me 'bro'?"

The LORD said unto Gary:

"Uh, what? No, I said, uh, I said GROW. Grow your contempt for everyone who isn't a Christian until it overpowers you. Protip: If you see someone who claims to be a Christian, they're not. Except you, 'cause you're my number one follower. I can tell by your 'I <3 the LORD' t-shirt. Fear the gear, bro."

Gary once again replied unto the LORD:

"LORD, I'm pretty sure you just called me 'bro' again. Also, are you sure about this contempt thing? It doesn't seem like a very wholesome idea."

The LORD was then wroth with Gary, and said:

"Hey, uh, narrator, could I get a definition of wroth?"

You're don't know what 'wroth' means? Are you sure you're the LORD?

"It's been a long day, jackass. I just failed a midterm because I was too hung over to study. Uh...I mean, I just got finished raising myself from the dead...after the failure of my death, hung on a cross over Golgotha...in the middle of the, uh, term of the first century. Just humor me?"

Fine. 'Wroth' means angry. You are angry with Gary when you reply.

"Gotcha. Gary, question me not, for I am the LORD! If I tell you to despise others, you must obey me. Contempt makes you strong. Anger, fear, aggression: the dark side are they. The LORD's side."

Gary replied unto the LORD:

"LORD, I dress myself in sackcloth and ashes at speaking to you yet once more, but I still cannot help but notice that you are sounding an awful lot like Yoda."

The LORD replied:

"Sounding like Yoda I am not! You'd better just do what I say, or I'll have some random douchebag steal your blogger credentials and sully your good name posting comments that make YOU sound like an asshole."

Gary replied one last time:

"You know, maybe you'd better go do that. Because you sound more like someone pledging a bad fraternity than an actual deity. Have fun."

So Gary went his way, and the LORD in turn stole his credentials and posted comments that made Gary sound like a giant toolbag.