Defective Bible

Just too damn funny. Thanks Jape!

McSweeney's Internet Tendency: This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I'd Like to Return It, Please.: "THIS BIBLE YOU SOLD ME IS CLEARLY DEFECTIVE AND I'D LIKE TO RETURN IT, PLEASE.



BY MATTHEW SIMMONS

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The printer must have run out of black ink, because a bunch of it is in red.


At no point does it tell what the middle initial 'H' in our Savior's name stands for.


It seems to only sort of implicate the Jews in the Crucifixion, and instead suggests by way of self-deprecating irony that humanity as a whole is to blame.


I could not find the part where Moses says, 'You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you all to Hell!'


My understanding is that Noah is supposed to be a large, talking cucumber.


This has got to be a bad translation because the Book of Revelation, instead of very clearly explaining the end times, the Rapture, and the final war with the Antichrist, doesn't make a damn bit of sense. It's full of a bunch of obscure symbols that are so open to interpretation, they could be applied to anything.


I'm pretty sure the real Bible mentions Attorney General John Ashcroft somewhere in it.


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