If I were King

I would:

Make Dick Cheney fight with the soldiers he has sent to Iraq. After all, he seems fond of shooting.

Make George Bush work for a living--just for a little while. And clearing brush doesn't count. Nor can his family help him.

Speaking of his family, Barbara will have King-enforced humility lessons. And be barred from doing stuff like this.

Make it illegal for Bush to smirk. Hey, I am king, remember. I might also make him read something beyond Oswald Chambers.

Be tempted to make Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and James Dobson listen to their own bullshit in an unending loop. Or make them watch Brokeback over and over until they realize gay people are human.

Make all the Fox people live in Gitmo and do their reports from there.

Enforce the barrier between church and state to try and save both from each other.

Put Barry Bonds in jail before he does more damage to himself and to the game of Baseball.

Outlaw the Dallas Cowboys (heh, that is mainly for CIL), astro turf, the designated hitter, hockey in the south, and all of Fox Sports. And Fox News.

Break up the media moguls, outlaw computer programmed radio, and make it a capital offense to play the following "artists:" Bad Company, ZZTop, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Elton John.

Ban CCM. Forever.

Make it a capital offense for a professional athlete to complain about salary.

Ok. Now you.