We went to a softball game tonight. And really enjoyed ourselves, for the most part. I think the age group was 10 and under, and the competition was fierce.
In many ways, it represented much of what is good about our culture--and much of what isn't.
First, the good. I love seeing young girls play softball with grit, discipline and determination. Nothing dainty about it. If she throws "like a girl," it is a compliment. That sort of thing. I saw a 10 year old drilled in the back running down the first base line. She got up and went back to the plate (foul ball). I also appreciated that many of the fathers in the crowd were just as attentive and obnoxious about their daughter's softball as they were about the boys. 20 years ago (maybe 30), fathers might have shown less interest in the sporting interests of girls. And finally, we had attentive and loyal parents. Parents who drive hundreds of miles to compete in tournaments and spend a lot of money to do so.
So, what was bad, you ask? Compared to the truly bad of our society and culture, nothing really comes close. But I (as a non-parent) was struck by the obsession with children. (I am reminded here of one of my favorite Simpsons episode where Reverend Lovejoy's wife keeps shouting, "Won't someone think of the children?") And children who perform. It seems legitimate to ask if those parents can tell the difference between their own ambitions and their children's.
Many of these people live in a bubble. Their world is made up of obsessing over children and making money. Not that they aren't good parents or even good people, but in the global (or historical) sense, they are anomalous.
Don't get me wrong. There is much to laud here. Parents who care about their kids, for example. I saw many great examples of very good sportsmanship (or sportswomanship) from parents. And I know some of them and know that they care deeply about their kids. All good things.
But in the back of my mind, there was a mild alarm. Alarm that kids this age couldn't just "play." They had to have gigantic tournaments and scripted and organized "competition."
I know these young girls will be better off. They will learn competition and the ability to work with others. They will be much less likely to allow a man to push them around or coerce them into a situation they don't really want. But at a cultural level, I wonder.
That is all, really. I just wonder.
7 comments:
I've been reading your blog for a while but have never commented. Interesting thoughts here. I don't have children, either, but one thing I notice about kids today is that they have tons of activites. One sport one night, another the next, music lessons another night. It's almost like they are miniature adults. They don't seem to have any free time. Yes, the parents are involved, but I wonder how much of the time spent together is spent in meaningful conversation about the issues that their kids worry about. How many of these parents are really trying to get to know what is going on with their kids? Are parents using all the activites as a substitute for real "quality time"?
I teach college freshmen, and I have seen that when they get to college and are no longer supervised, many students just don't know what to do with all their free time--of course, they usually spend it drinking at parties.
JMG, thanks for the comment. I think you might be right. After all, for many of these kids, those sports mean endless practices and travel schedules where one or more of the parents are not there all the time.
You make an interesting connection to the binge drinking of college years. This certainly seems like a new thing (not that I didn't drink during college).
I think that you make some great observations. At 25, looking back on my softball playing years, from 5 to 18, I think that they did somewhat instill in me the need to perform. But I also learned how to lose, that you don't quit something just because it's hard, and that I could do anything I wanted to, female or not.
There does need to be a balance. Structured activities are good for kids, but so is free play time. My family still took time to go camping several summer weekends a year, to ride bicycles all over the town, to climb trees and to sweatily collapse under a shade tree drinking lemonade.
But, then again, some kid somewhere in this nation would benefit if their parent or someone would just take them outside and teach him or her how to throw a softball, take them to practice, and show up for their games.
Nicole, thanks for your comments. Please understand, as a young boy, I benefitted from organized sports in that it forced me to work with others and learn a lot about competition. I am very glad that young women are now getting that benefit. I am also glad that the gender divide no longer keeps young girls in a very limited role.
In many ways, my frustrations are more global--with the systemized and bureacratic nature of child sports. My friend (the parent of the girl we observed) admitted that at 11 she has already had to choose between softball and soccer. She has already had to specialize. At 11, I was playing little leage baseball, wrestling, basketball and even football. Even into high school, I was on the gymnastics team, tennis and wrestled (one year).
I am so glad that gender barriers are breaking down. But there are problems associated with youth sports that really bother me.
I was thinking of something similar while watching two of my three nephews playing at the designated play area at the mall over the weekend. The area is all nicely padded with accessible equipment marked with "do not climb or play above this line" lines. It is ringed with benches for parents and other assorted kid-watchers and the norm seemed to be that one moves around the circle to keep an eye on one's child/ren.
As I joined the ranks of the ersatz play supervisors that afternoon, I got to thinking about how adults are structuring the free play of children. As I struggle for an alternative to the phrase "in my day," I recall being sent down the block, up the street, or elsewhere to play. Rarely were there any adults present and often the equipment somewhat dangerous, at least compared to the padded play area at the mall. It was not unusual to have come home with a scrape or two, just as it was not unusual to have come home having gotten into a scrap or two.
In these situations, there was usually no one to say, "play nice" or "that's not how we behave," but it wasn't exactly Lord of the Flies either. We knew what was "fair," though, and except for the occasional bully, problems could be solvbed by not letting someone play.
I wonder, do kids in these highly structured, highly scheduled sports programs, play areas, or whatnot, develop these same skills?
Mostly just wondering, but hoping someone will say, "here comes the sociology."
Fr'nklin and AGO, thanks. I think this very quick post has spurred more new commenters than any of my others!
As AGO suggested, all of children's lives seem to be more scripted. Part of that is due to fears (real or perceived) that children today live in more danger than the past. Perhaps. As a non-parent, I am probably not a good judge of that. But like AGO, I too used to play and do pretty stupid things completely unsupervised. What that means, I am not sure. Those who know me might not want to use that as proof that unsupervised play is well advised. But everyone here seems to share my concern that there are aspects to this structured life that are problematic. AGO's comment goes well with JMG's in that these kids may not learn valuable skills in negotiating either conflict resolution (absent parental or legal oversight) or even to manage their own time. Going from homework to practice to the cello may not actually help these students when they have downtime.
The specialization really bothers me too. My wrestling coach wanted me to wrestle freestyle in the summer. I said nuts to that. I wanted to play tennis.
Fr'nklin's concern about parents living through their kids is an age-old concern, eh? But now it includes young girls. I am very greatful that my parents were good at that. They never yelled at refs or coaches, and I was only in trouble if I didn't try or if I mouthed off (to anyone).
And, fr'nklin, no worries on the quote. I think you are dead on. That is another thread, but there is no doubt in my mind that most contemporary churches (especially conservative non-denoms) have become incredibly consumer oriented. Church is just a different form of entertainment, all packaged with bible verses and pseudo theology, but , with "no there there."
My parents were pretty good about giving us free time and letting us do what we wanted with regard to organized sports. I figure skated for several years in my teens, and some of the "skating parents" were truly frightening. I still see that type when I go to the rink today -- some people spend tens of thousands of dollars on their adolescents' nascent "careers" every year. A frighteningly large number of people do so, actually. Not all can afford it.
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