Mel Gibson to remake "Passion of the Christ?"

According to Hollywood insiders, Mel Gibson has decided to remake his popular and Easter-required film, The Passion of the Christ. Gibson told a reporter that even though the film was only a few years old, it was time for a remake to capture the different context of the time. "We decided to recast the film with a bit more sympathy toward the Romans and the difficulties they faced keeping a government afloat with threats from within," said Gibson. "Make no mistake, the Jews are still responsible, but we thought that our audience would have more sympathy with the ruling government now."

Gibson admitted that the new remake included controversial scenes of water-boarding and sleep-deprivation. "It only made sense," he said. "Knowing what we know now, the government had every right to question insurgents to find out the depth of the rebellion. A simple scourging and crucifixion would kill the one insurgent, but not the rest. The Roman Government had to know where the others were and what their intentions were."

Gibson refused to discuss the new consultants to the film, but insider rumors have Rudy Giuliani demonstrating his own tactics against mob bosses in New York, and the natural cameo by Dick Cheney as Satan. Michael Mukasey had no comment on whether the new film represented Christianity, and Chuck Shumer voted for it before even seeing the sneak previews.