I have been wandering around in a grief-stricken funk--as if I have lost someone close to me. It feels like death. I have been close to tears today (for the Repubs who want to mock me, I say "fuck you!") and still cannot believe that this has happened. It is slowly sinking in, that we are doomed to 4 more years of this jerk and his Rovian politics. I lament this and grieve over what my nation has become.
I am not that disappointed with Rove and his antics. Rove and Karen Hughes are soul-less evil--the types that in a different neighborhood peddle crack to kids. Rove took Bush to South Carolina in 2000 and thought, hey, what would these fine upstanding southerners think about race issues? If presenting John McCain as a racist would have sold, he would have done that. Instead, he spread the rumor that McCain had committed adultery with a black woman. And Bush stood by and profited. I guess that would make him the pimp. But I am not surprised that Rove did what he did. He used the deep-seated fear of gay people that American Christianity has become, and profited yet again off that fear. He did what he did.
I am deeply disappointed with my former faith. I grew up a conservative evangelical. I knew I was supposed to read the Bible literally--spread the glorious word of Christ, and keep myself virtuous and clean. I was to hand out tracts to unsuspecting people, do cold witnessing in public places, and bring as many people "to Christ" as I could. I even did that. I witnessed to my friend Stuart in college. He was smarter than I gave him credit for. He knew I was shucking and jiving--handing out stuff I had been told to hand out. I grieve over that conversation now. Not that there isn't something good about a belief in Christ, but that I did it with such fucking arrogance. I knew better than him. Balls.
But under all that, I learned about Jesus feeding the 5,000. I learned about the evils of worshiping money, and the responsibility that living well in America meant. I owe a debt to my parents for that. They never made decisions solely on money, and they never pursued wealth. I value that.
And then I look at the faith now. With all due respect to my Anglican friends, the world is being taken over by McChurch. Some of them are Baptist, some are non-denoms. They are all selling a fucked-up version of the faith I was raised with. Witness, witness witness--but that only means proselytize. It doesn't mean demonstrate. And God only knows that greed is dead--instead it is replaced with consume thy faith. Consume with Max Lucado and Charles Stanley. Consume that faith that feeds your inner soul. The environment? Not a moral issue. Should be left out of churches. The issue of poverty? Not a moral issue. Fuck that!
I say to my conservative evangelical friends that I am deeply disappointed with you. That you could look at this man Bush and proclaim morality and Christianity befuddles me. Where is your compassion? Only with words? Are you so inured to the plight of the poor that you could confuse this administration with compassion? Are you so scared of my gay friends that you would lose your love? Are you so enamored with the life of the fetus that you ignore the 2 year old living in squalor? Or amidst toxic chemicals? Or the 5 year old pressed into service overseas to manufacture toys? Are you so consumed with your own wealth that you ignore God's creation? Are you so scared of terrorists that you ignore 100,000 dead Iraqis? Shame! Shame! Shame!
I will hesitate from this day forward to refer to myself as "Christian." I am not renouncing my faith, but I am now very hesitant to be linked to this administration. If Bush is a Christian, I want no part of it. If his compassion is meant to be our compassion, I would rather be known as a "lost" or "pagan" or "unchurched." I would rather be known as "secular" than to be lumped in with this gay-bashing, environment destroying, wealth rewarding machine that is Bush Country.
Harsh, I know. But real. I will survive this. I am not sure our republic will. But I ask this from my conservative friends. You seem to say that it is not nearly as bad as I think. With the exception of the homosexual issue (which you defend), you say that my concerns are not supported. Bush is not as incompetent as I say. His supporters are not as ill-informed as I say. He has not reached into the civil liberties of average Americans like I say. He has not endorsed the torture of human beings like I say.
Ok, let's put that to the test. You justify your vote for Bush because he is moral or because Kerry was ultra-liberal. Will you pledge to respond if the new administration and Republican Congress and Senate do what I fear? Will you switch and vote against your party?
If they encroach on civil rights and the voice of dissent, will you be heard?
If they worsen the environment for your kids, will you be heard?
If they invade yet another country based on faulty evidence, will you be heard?
If they make the rich richer, and the poor poorer, will you read your Bible and be heard?
3 comments:
Streak- I've been depressed all day, for all the same reasons- and feeling ridiculous for being depressed- but reading your blog makes me feel that I'm not alone. Again- in total agreement with your sentiments, and hoping to see you and Lisa Sunday.
I am sympathetic. But I can't say I'm surprised at the results. I expected Bush would win, even though I hoped for a last-minute miracle. It has indeed been a depressing day all around; I spent much of it not talking politics but comforting friends who lost a loved one to suicide. Good Christian, liberal friends, too. Trust me, there are some of us out here. :) Remember, even though Bush won, 48% of us voted against him. That's a significant number, and it isn't going away.
As for your concern about identifying yourself as a Christian, I say: don't let them win. Just as with flying a flag, don't concede that action to the right-wingers only. Claim it! They are Pharisees. I understand your reluctance to do this -- to "claim it", that is, not to fly a flag (that's just an example, of course). We've discussed this issue many times over the years. And I hesitate to give advice lest it be taken the wrong way. I have control only over my own actions. So here's what I will do: speak truth to power. Jesus did this, and they killed him for it. His message of liberation -- and, when it came to economics, (dare I say it?) socialism -- wasn't popular then, and it won't be now. But it was The Truth. If you let the fundamentalists redefine Christianity, then they have won. End of story. But every time you say, "Wait a minute...." you are in fact identifying yourself as a Christian. Christ said the two great commandments were to love God and to love your neighbor. Whenever we are reminded of this, it is a good thing. I submit that your blog does just that routinely.
Honestly, I truly and deeply lament that for you evangelical religion and American politics have become so intertwined. The things our families can do to us... But please remember, there is more to Christianity than just the evangelical/fundamentalist version.
Now that the election is over, my bumper sticker has reached its "past due" date, I need something new. Here's what I have now: "I voted for Bush in 2000. Ask me why I won't in 2004." Very Socratic, I must say, and it prompted several good conversations, unlike most slogans that are simply bitter and off-putting. But I need something new. An early thought: "There is nothing compassionate, or Christian, about being conservative. Ask me why." Any suggestions?
Streak,
It was a darkest day for a lot of us.
I'm not giving up on Jesus, but it is hard not to give up on some of his followers.
Jesus is not responsible for the way his teachings are being distorted. His teachings were clearly contrary to what many of his followers believe and do.
Thanks for posting your thoughts.
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