This blog should have a warning attached--Occasional self-indulgent posts frequent! I have a brooding personality. At least that is what my former advisor told me. I don't think he meant that as a compliment. :)
Turning 40 hasn't really helped with that. And this is a transition time for me. I have purposefully decided to spend a little time reading light, playing games, avoiding work. I need to be ready to hit it hard when I go back.
Today I heard from an old grad school buddy. He is up for tenure next year. Tenure. Damn. I don't know if that will ever happen. He and his wife are expecting a child. I know that won't happen. That isn't a bad thing for me, but it is what it is. I am glad for him. On both counts. But sometimes I measure myself against the expected. Selectively, that is.
When I step back, I am blessed and happy. I am happy with who I am, and who I am with. Last Saturday, SOF and I celebrated 17 years together. 17 years is a long time. And I don't regret that at all. I am proud of our relationship and, frankly, proud of who I am now. I know that living with SOF has made me a better person. I only hope I have done the same for her.
But sometimes the demons come out to taunt. Taunt about jobs, kids, and relationships that have gone astray. I have to tell them to shut up. I have to step outside and look at the world with a different measuring stick.
Hell, we all do.
2 comments:
ah yes, the comparisons...
Congratulations on your anniversary.
I am really glad to have had opportunity to meet both of you.
Having passed both the 17 year anniversary the 40 year old mark well over a decade ago, I can say with conviction that that the latter milestone is not half as significant as the first one.
Fewer and fewer couples reach their 17th anniversary. That's something of which to be very proud.
There are a lot of people who have sacrificed their marriage for their careers. It's a sad trade. In my opinion, its much more important to be in a strong marriage than on a successful career track.
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