May 9, 2006

My interview with Dobson

Streak sits down with James Dobson.

S: Greetings, Mr. Dobson.

D: That's "Doctor" Dobson. And greetings, liberal blogging dog.

S: Why did you decide to sit down with me, Doc?

D: I have to get something off my chest. It is time for me to come out of the closet.

S: Do you mean--?

D: That's right, I am rich and powerful.

S: But we knew that sir.

D: You may have assumed, but I am tired of hiding my economic orientation. I was born to be rich and powerful and I am not going to pretend that I wasn't.

S: So, are you saying that wealth is biologically determined?

D: I am saying that God determines (in his wisdom) who is rich and who is poor. I came here to speak with you because it is the liberal blogging dogs who attack me so vociferously for my wealth and power. It is a perverted form of bigotry and I am fighting back. I am tired of being accused of sinning just because I live with more money than you will ever see and can call the President on the phone.

S: Some do think that the Bible is hard on wealth. What do you say to that?

D: All of those passages must be seen in a certain context. The Bible was written in a time where the richest were evil and anti-Christian. Of course, Jesus gave them a hard time. But we know more about wealth now. We know more about people.

S: Hmm

D: We have learned from creation scientists that God "creates" things--they don't just happen. Therefore, God decided that some can be wealth and others can't. Kind of like deciding skin color. God just chose that on his own.

S: Or like being Gay?

D: No, liberal blogging dog. Of course people choose to be gay. Creation scientists have shown that too. And the Bible is clear that is wrong.

S: So, you see yourself as a leader of this persecuted group and you have an agenda to speak out?

D: Exactly. There have even been people within churches who used to criticize wealth as if people chose their economic orientation. Fortunately, not only have most conservative churches started embracing wealth, but they are wealthy themselves. Which really proves us right.

S: So, wealthy people have had a tough time? And need their own civil rights movement, if you will?

D: Of course. It has been very tough for my people throughout history. The French Revolution. [Winces in pain] They killed some of us then. Took away our property. Even here in America there have been those who like to demonize us. Every election cycle, we become easy targets for candidates trying to scare liberals to the polls.

S: But we shouldn't be afraid?

D: Of course not. Rich people are just like you and me. Kind of. They are your neighbors and friends. Well. Not really. Unless you are already wealthy. But we are normal people, trying to buy second and third houses and drive in the largest cars we can afford.

S: What about fears that you are trying to recruit children?

D: That is just ridiculous. Of course, we try to encourage those who have been annointed by God to enjoy their wealth. But if you are born poor, you will stay there. No recruiting will change that. [chuckles]

People just need to accept us for who we are. [fights back tears] But we shall overcome. Someday. [Raises fist above his head] But for now we need to be bold: We're Rich and we're here. Get used to it!

1 comment:

catholic_girl said...

HAH! That was, er, priceless.