Easter Confessions

Holy week is upon us and Easter is this Sunday. And I have no clue what to do with that.

I have been thinking about Easter a lot lately. It is a difficult time for me, for some reason. It is not my favorite holiday. That hasn't been helped with the Mel Gibson stuff, or here locally with churches giving away a Harley or advertising their Easter pageant. Streak's other friend and I winced last night at an ad on television that was clearly marketing a special Easter sale. It is all for sale, and under capitalism, this date on the religious calendar is as good a reason to sell useless shit as any other. That bothers me, but it does not surprise.

Maybe growing up Baptist, I never really understood the church calendar. I didn't know what advent was (except for the advent calendar) and it took me years to understand that Mardi Gras was any way connected to religion. I remember asking a girl out to lunch in high school. She told me she had given up lunch for lent. I thought she was making it up, but didn't even really understand what she was talking about. In retrospect, she was trying to be nice to me (she was a nice girl, and had a really nice boyfriend who could have crushed me like a bug--I am not sure what I was thinking.....).

We attended a pretty special SBC church in Houston at South Main. I am not sure it is still the church it used to be after the pastor left, but it was really a great place. They had an active aids ministry (in the 80s, no less), participated in helping the poor, worked closely with cancer patients at MD Anderson, and refused to both leave the inner city or build giant health clubs. (It was also around ground zero of the counter revolution against the fundy takeover, but I didn't know that until just recently.) Anyway, I remember the first time I saw them dress in vestments (?) and we celebrated advent. I liked that.

I remember going to sunrise services as a child--shivering as the fire took hold and waiting for the sun to come up. I know many enjoyed those. I understood (and understand) the symbolism, but am just not sure it ever took. I remember the confusion about easter eggs. I don't remember it being a bad experience by any stretch, just not one that I really enjoyed.

As an adult, Easter has continued to kind of puzzle me. Maybe it goes back to my spring depression. Springtime has plagued me for a variety of reasons. For years the changes in weather and plant life made me miserable during this period. I remember when I was still in school, the new year always filled me with fear about what I would accomplish this year. One Easter eve, our cat died. That was painful. Still is.

So, it is with a bit of trepidation that I approach Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I am glad for those of you who find great meaning in this week. I respect that.

Anyway.....