For the uninitiated, "President Jesus" is the character I created to poke fun at the President; who famously declared Jesus as his favorite political philosopher. Remember, this is poking fun at George Bush, not Jesus. Jesus, as Woody Guthrie suggested, would make a great president. Less war, better healthcare--what's not to like?
For this episode of President Jesus, we look on the President as he responds to a personal interview (as we know that he hates press conferences where his lack of knowledge makes him look stupid).
Reporter: President Jesus, let me ask you about accountability.
President Jesus: Accountability is for the losers. They lost the election, and as it is written, the winners get to gloat and ignore their failures.
Reporter: If I was a real reporter, I would respond to that. Let me ask instead about torture. Your AG nominee, Alberto Gonzales, has been accused of writing a pro-torture memo.
President Jesus: Al is a great guy. Hell, he single handedly allowed me to execute numerous nefariousness criminals in Tejas. His confirmatoriation should be immediate. I can tell you honestly, that President Jesus will not torture anyone. And if people make a big enough stink about it, President Jesus will suggest that people not torture.
Reporter: Now, to gay marriage. President Jesus, your critics on the right say that you used gay marriage to get elected and now are turning to social security reform and tax breaks rather than tackle the challenge of protecting marriage.
President Jesus: Let me jump in there, fake reporter. I love marriage. I was married just in time for my first political run. Laura is my "soul-mate." I only hope that all the other white, straight, Christian couples can copify our success. I also love my gay voters. Especially those dumb-asses who voted for me. I will work hard to take away their civil rights.
As for marriage, to save it, I have to save social security. For if people rely on "security," they will surely not marrify. I hate that, and will use my SS reform to help people marry in the way God intended. And black men. Who die prematurely. Rather than address the causes of premature death, or address health care that deals with all Americans, I am focusing on Social Security, which is prejudicificated against black Americans. And I hate that.
Reporter: And the tax cuts?
President Jesus: Taxes are clearly the devil's workshop.
Reporter: I know I am a fake reporter and supposed to simply applaud, but didn't you once say something about "giving to Caesar?"
President Jesus: I am glad you asked. No. Taxes are Lucifer's revenge, and as my father wrote: "Blessed are the Rich, for they are my friends and I likify them." In my father's mansion are many rooms, and the poor clean them all. Verily.
End of interview
1 comment:
Love it.
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