See, if you'd stick to your 12-point maintinence program, eh, then we wouldn't have to jump-start you like this. Oh, no, you had to do it your way... you think you know everything, eh.
But afterwards, I felt better than I have in weeks. Not back to normal, but better. And I realized just how much pain had weighed on me. It made me so much more compassionate for those who struggle with chronic pain in their lives. And I have just had a few weeks of it.
Last night I felt about as close to needing to call my therapist as I have in over a year. I felt the rising anger and frustration and feeling almost out of control. Part of that, I see now, was the pain wearing on me. Very hard to see clearly in that setting.
Doesn't mean that my issues are gone. But when I was laying on my back, with electrodes sending a very nice little current into my lower back, I considered why I have been taking the current political debate at a personal level. No real answers yet, mind you, but some good questions. Clearly, for me, politics is more than just some abstract issue that is "out there." Some of my friends seem to see it that way, but for me, it is also personal. It is those relationships with people who lectured me about my liberalism and gloated when Bush won. It is the sense of disillusionment that I have recounted here of watching moral people turn away from torture. It is the sense that 8 years of Bush has given us nothing but failure--yet some seem to want to continue that failure. It is that absolute disdain this administration and supporters had for my concerns and political frustrations.
I am not sure how to make sense of it all yet. But I am working on it. And it is easier to see when the pain isn't shooting down your leg.
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