I received an offline question about why I am so angry at God. I know, it is a leading question, but essentially asking if I am angry at God and if so, why?
Am I angry at God?
I don't think so. I don't blame God for the problems in the world. I understand those are a product of human choice.
Am I an angry person?
That one is a more difficult question. Anger is a funny thing. When viewing injustice, it is a proper response, no? When frustrated at not getting your way, probably not.
I think the question gets to the heart of why I blog. As the other bloggers here know, this is a curious process. It is both private and incredibly public journaling. We write about our most inner thoughts and fears and people all around the world read them. Some read them and find commonality. Some find them objectionable. Some keep returning to read them.
Blogging is the most democratic (small "d") thing going on out there. We write about what we care about, and if people find it worth reading, they return. If they don't, they move on to other blogs.
So, why do I blog? I am a passionate person. I feel things deeply, and always have. As a younger man, I internalized much of that passion. I had ulcers and other problems that, while not exclusively emotional in nature, were certainly exacerbated by emotion and stress. Anger can be an expression of passion. It can also be a destructive force. I certainly see mine as passionate.
I do a better job now of recognizing the difference between those things I can control and those I can't. The blog helps tremendously. I can rant, and vent, and excoriate the Bush administration and it helps. It is something I can't do verbally at work. It isn't appropriate and my coworkers wouldn't welcome it. But the blog is mine.
Different people blog differently. For some, like the RLP, it is often essays that are edited and cultured before publication. I tend to blog in an emotional way. It usually represents where I am at that very moment. My best posts are those (in my opinion) where I am most visceral and raw. But I don't do that in real life. I would be in a rubber room or a televangelist (little joke).
But my blog is more than an emotional release. It is my observation on culture, politics, and religion. I see problems in the world today, and I comment on them. I see conflict between the christian world view and the Bush administration, and I enjoy commenting on that. Sometimes it helps me make sense of those things I cannot control. I feel better after.
So, am I angry at God? I don't think so. I don't hold God responsible for George Bush or environmental problems, racism, or global poverty. Personally, I think God would prefer that we humans act better toward each other and the planet.
Am I angry at many of his followers? Yeah. I don't like it when people claim to speak for God and then use such hateful language. Everytime Pat Robertson opens his mouth, I wince a bit. Everytime Jerry Falwell proclaims God's views on politics, I groan. That makes me angry. So does a Christian faith that seems to love capitalism and wealth more than justice. So I talk about it. I get that out there. Through this blog I have found people who share my view. Other people who care about God, believe in Jesus and yet have walked away from church in disgust.
Why do I swear so much? That will have to wait for another post.
6 comments:
Leighton beat me to it. Suggesting that because you oppose the way the Church handles issues of poverty, racism, and warmongering, that you're angry at God assumes that God wants anything to do with the Church when it participates in those hateful things.
I think that's a pretty big leap.
Nice Post...Your honesty is refreshing and insightful. Keep it up!
Streak- I am so glad you're blogging. I enjoy reading the stuff you post here. Living in Oklahoma can make you feel fairly isolated at times in your outlook on life, especially as it concerns God and church and social justice, but the blogs that we have started and continued have made me realize I'm not the only one!
So, keep writitng. Even if it's angry. There are many of us who love it and are encouraged by it.
Kristen
Thank you all for the nice comments. Leighton, it was email--hard to call off-line, but only in reference to not in the blog. :) JoeG, thanks for your comment and I have really enjoyed your contribution at Carlos's blog, and welcome you here. Kristen, you know you are always welcome and I appreciate the nice thoughts. I think your writing is fantastic, so the compliment is really nice. Small Glimpses, you are the best. Absolutely the best.
Hey, Streak.
I'm thinking that before one would answer whether one were angry with God, or whether one were angry, I'd take a look at what purpose anger served.
The prophets of old, or at least many of them, were . . . um, fairly in touch with their anger. I'm thinking Elisha calling down the bears to eat up the impudent children. (Yeah, it's in there, look it up.) I'm thinking of the wrath and fury attributed to God when God's people got wrapped up in injustice, mean-ness, cruelty, or, even, one of the greatest God-pisser-offers, inhospitality. (Way, way, way more than what the culture called perversity.)
I've been led to believe that the prophets served the purpose of telling God's people, well, what time it was.
And, from what I read of your blog, both your prophecy and your anger serve to tell us what time it is:
It's time to take a inventory. It's time to knock off the buying and selling of human beings. It's time to quit being ugly guests, and hostile, manipulative, and cruel hosts. It's time to quit lying. It's time to rip up our clothes and greive for the injustices we've wallowed in. And that doesn't even count educational lotteries or a condemning, judging church.
OK. Now, I'm getting pissed.
But, having met you, I can't see that I am able to find a single thing that looks nearly like pathology or rage to you.
I do have another question, for the person questioning you: Why *aren't* you angry? If not at God's people who have engaged in so much that would have gotten them at least written up, then at a God who puts up with this crap.
jws
JWS, great points and than you so much for posting. I agree. I think there are things that demand our anger--not in a self-destructive (or other destructive) manner, but in a way that stands up and says: "this is not right."
I have said this many times, but everytime I see an organized protest about 10 Commandments protests (and that can be said about the left, too, btw) or the Under God phrase in the Pledge, or a positive representation of gay people on tv, or Janet's boob--I think about the things I have never seen the conservative Christian community protest. I have never seen them protest poverty or environmental destruction. While they were rightly upset about Sudanese slavery, they have been silent when the victims were not Christian. I have never heard a peep on child labor, or polluted water. And I think this recent budget offers much for the church not to like. Defend capitalism all you want, but call on the wealthiest Americans to sacrifice more than the poor and disabled. That is basic stuff.
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